Tom "TJ" Ozanne

The 2003 Colombian of the Year, TJ is a prolific goal scorer for Colombians, largely because he hangs around the goal like a fly around sh*t. He is famed for his drag flicks but is infamous for his drag shows. Anyone who has been on a night out with TJ will know of his love for wearing women's clothing. Together with Matty De la Mare, who often likes to wear Lucy's coat and bag, TJ has developed a scary obsession with wearing women's basques. The site will shortly be updated with photographic evidence of this most horrific obsession.

Gay rumours dog his career (not much helped by his fashion sense) which he does little to dispel. He can cast a fishing line over 200 metres, throw a cricket ball the length of a hockey pitch, shoot a rabbit over a mile but can't find a girlfriend or shoot sh*t off a stick. He is the Colombians team armourer, with one of the largest private arsenals in Guernsey or Colombia.

His nickname Judas comes from pimping himself out to Yobbos during the Easter Festival 2000, the constant taunts of Judas nearly broke the young man but having returned to the Colombian fold has now made him stronger than ever. He is still a student at heart, taking his student work ethic in to his current job as a civil servant.

The 2002 Easter festival saw his greatest hour, where, with some other Colombian assistance, he developed the "Carbonite Freezer". This lethal combination of a manual bilge pump, tubing and an old grannies armchair was the downfall of many a festival player. However, the young man was sure that the this could be bettered.

Following much speculation over the following months, rumours spread of regular swearing emanating from the shed to the rear of his house. The result of months of work was unveiled on the first day of Easter 2003. The Cement Mixer was born, and promptly died. A quick smack with a hammer and it sprang back into life and the true might of what he had created was clearly evident. The 12 volt powered, key armed, variable pump rate leviathan could deliver two pints a second at peak rate and was rightly feared by all festival players.

The more recent development of the "Colombian Wheel of Misfortune" has been banished into storage, only to come back out when we've got our own clubhouse.